Meh

I have currently been afflicted with a vicious case of the meh. I’m wickedly bored and just over it. I have so few things to occupy my time while I’m serving this tour in Angola that I’m finding it impossible to put much passion or drive into anything.

Generally, I’m pretty good at feigning passionate responses. As any member of TMAR can testify, I will argue to the death any of a number of points that I have no sincere convictions on. I just like the sport and banter. I get wrapped up in turns of phrase and I like to push the envelope with how believable I can make any ridiculous notion. I will use the potential zombie apocalypse as validation for leaner gun control laws, even though I’m fairly indifferent on the subject. I guess you could say that I missed my political calling, but a moderately tattooed president would be kind of bad-ass.

My father (I’m pretty sure it was him, but if not, let’s go with it for the sake of continuity) once told me that I had a Fuggit. Ever curious (as a general rule), I inquired as to the origin and explanation of said Fuggit. This is what he said.

All of us (every single person) have a committee in our heads; a vast boardroom, if you will, with all of the different aspects of our personalities represented (kind of a United Nations of Self). Whenever any thought, choice, or emotional response comes up, this committee discusses the merits of everyone’s perspectives and comes up with an appropriate decision. These guys are busy and as a result sometimes they make the wrong conclusion. It happens. We do the best we can with the available information and, as often is the case in politics, we sometimes ignore inconvenient truths. We’re only human.

Anyway, inside my vast boardroom full of so many well dressed and professional representatives, I have this one guy that probably doesn’t belong. He’s a disheveled mess, looks like he may be half drunk, and he wears a perpetual grin. This guy doesn’t sit at his assigned place. Hell, he barely sits at all. He just runs round and round the room, aggravating the other members and belittling their efforts. He jumps up and down and screams, “Fuck It” whenever anyone makes a motion. He simply doesn’t care. It makes no difference to him if the other members are right or wrong. He’s just anarchy incarnate.

He’s my favorite. Despite all of my knowledge and countless lessons that have proven that this guy is no good for me, I can’t help being his friend. I seek his council. I think I’m attracted to the infinite possibilities that he represents and I ignore the fact that the general outcome is poor. I’m only human.

He’s the Fuggit. He’s the one that keeps me from being a responsible and mature citizen of the world. Now, to be fair, I’m fairly responsible and mature-ish, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. He looks like he’s having so much fun in that room full of dignified representatives and I want to have fun too. On some rare occasions though (like my current situation), he makes shit really boring. I just don’t want to do anything. I don’t even want to fuck off. I’m just so incredibly MEH right now that I can’t stand it. I also don’t care enough to change it. Odd, isn’t it, the conflictions of the self.